Sunday, February 14, 2010

GOD SAYS "NO!": My Life rejoices in his decision

Back in my early college years, I fell deeply in love with Bill. In order to understand this young man, one must picture his fresh face, brown eyes that sparkled when he laughed, slight-built body, and an inquisitive mind. We were introduced by our mutual love, the written word. He fancied himself as the next big-town reporter and I loved the work we did on the college newspaper.

Our time together had its own soundtrack, as the music we enjoyed still resonates with me. Many musicians passed through our town and concerts were affordable. Neil Diamond was one of the romantic performers; my daughter still teases me about seeing him. Outdoor venues, smoky auditoriums and college campuses provided plenty of opportunities to experience the "surround sound" of live performances.

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's concert was recorded and I still have the LP of that special time, where we sat upstairs with our legs dangling through the railing. My embroidered bell bottom jeans, love beads, gauzy shirt and brown leather clogs made me look so individual that I succeeded in looking like every other long, brown haired girl there.

My concert experience are remembered fondly and I know that I have related them one too many times to my daughter when she turns to me, upon hearing the beginning a familiar song, "Yeah, Mom, I know. You and Bill were sitting in the balcony when The Fifth Dimension sang Won't you marry me, Bill? "

What I don't repeatedly tell her is how completely devastated I was when Bill broke up with me. Prayers to God were answered with a loud, definite "No." I beg, pleaded and bargained with God to make it right and give me back the lost relationship. Again, a resounding, definite, "NO."

Now, I am so grateful, because without losing Bill I wouldn't have gained the most incredible life I have. My husband would have been lost to me, my daughter wouldn't exist and to think of not having my Grand Love breaks my heart.

So, thank you, God for being patient with me and giving me the most fantastic gift of all, my precious family.


  1. What a lovely tribute to letting go of what could, but shouldn't have been, and being deeply thankful of what is.

    Time has a way of straightening things out, and when things unfold as they should, it is only then that we see the Karmic wisdom of the universe. I have been thinking of the expansive sea outside our planet today, too, Ferret, while typing a new entry on my blog, and I believe every circle we etch brings us around to others that, for a reason, take their places in our lives.

    Such as you, my friend. I will eternally be grateful for the Victoria Advocate. That's right. For without the Advocate, would we have ever met? I don't know. I just know that I'm glad we did. You memories enrich me, and your friendship fills me with happiness. I must wish you Happy Valentine's day, as you are a real treasure to me.

    Isn't it wonderful how music is entwined with our experiences, for better and for worse. Your Bill slipped away, but then something better entered your life, and you were smart enough to recognize that. How blessed you are.