Sunday, July 4, 2010
MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS
Yesterday, went well with the movers, although there were some minor glitches. Stormy skies opened up for a ten minute downpour, which was shorter than we expected since we have been enduring terrific hurricane-related rainstorms. Movers were three hours early, which really didn't matter, since the whip-cracker (that would be me, of course) had pushed the packing process. Bookcases had been emptied; dresser drawers had been packed; fragile collectibles securely bubbled wrapped; bedroom furniture disassembled; and larger pieces chosen for the strong backs of the moving men.
Since we were paying by the hour and not the piece, we selected the pieces that could be quickly, expertly wrapped, loaded and then unloaded. We didn't realize that all glass fronts and shelves would be removed, before loading in the mover's trailer. That took a little more time, but it was their policy to protect from breakage. No problem, in fact we had enough time at the delivery that the mover put all the glass back in place of the display cabinet. After the time was up, cash was exchanged, receipt signed and the movers left.
Now this is where other questions begin to surface:
Will our daughter and Grandlove be able to make it on their own, financially? Will her husband help to financially support them without falling short, like so many times before? In the past, he has gotten financial support from us (you don't want to know how much, really) and now he has money to spend on a lawyer. His answer as to where he got money for the lawyer almost made me choke--I can't swallow lies, very easily. During their years together, he hasn't had funds for necessities and NOW he has money. Unbelievable! I held my tongue when he said where he got the money. His wife and son have done without and he could have acquired these funds during the years and yet he choose not to use them. That is if I believed him, but I have grown jaded, I suppose, and don't believe him or his motives.
Will there be unpleasant surprises when she receives the papers from his lawyer? My fear is that he and his "camp" will fight to have full custody of our Grandlove. Our daughter doesn't feel like this will happen. I do want to be wrong in this instance and I will be so happy if I am.
Our daughter doesn't feel like he is being insincere with being so "nicey-nicey" and helpful; I on the other hand have encountered this sort of behavior before. Surface behavior is not the true indicator of character; it's the deep motivators that actually reveal who people are.
His motivation? Helping to make transition easier for our daughter and Grandlove or building a case to secure full-time custody of the Sweet Innocence?
Call me old-fashioned; call me self-centered; call me unrealistic, I don't care. I believe THIS child should live with his mother. Yeah, I know there are exceptions, but at this point my world's view is focused on our sweet boy and his mom, which is where he belongs.
So at the end of the day, I am scared that our Grandlove's well-being is at stake. He adores his father, which is wonderful. His eyes light up when he spots his mom and then he smiles. I have seen how they interact with their son and I will tell you that his mom doesn't approach him with anger and frustration.
Little guys get into stuff that they shouldn't and do things they shouldn't. Keeping an even temper is important, because I've seen what happens when a child obeys because of fear. Fear driven obedience isn't something that is helpful for children. Love, patience and tolerance must temper the discipline for a child.
Anger and frustration have been the way our Grandlove's father has dealt with everything from dirty dishes to dirty diapers. His mother has just laughed it off and said that he takes after his dad. (What an inheritance, huh?) I fear what will happen when our Grandlove reaches the point of questioning authority (which will happen.) There are older cousins and uncles around as proof what happens when anger and frustration are the emotions constantly exhibited.
Legal paperwork will lay out the terms of the custody and visitation and we'll see how it all is laid out.
I don't sleep well because of worry concerning our Grandlove and his future. Biting my tongue, praying and trying to detach from the situation are my plans of action for now.